Beauty comes with innocence. That's why my ugliness is worn right on the surface Exposed for all the witnesses. I bleed and then I drink from it. My obsession is I crave the false confession. I'm so guilty that it hurts, And worse; I open wounds and cause contusions with my words. With words sharper than knives; My pen's Excalibur. I'll cut you deep, Straight across the arteries - Flow so cold you'll call it heat. I'll cauterize your mind and leave you feeling like you're obsolete. I rarely sleep. Always picking bones out of my rotten teeth. I never used to battle but it's time to drop the subtlety: Everyone around me wants to act like they're some novelty, But all I fucking see's a fucking sea of gears and circuitry. Now I'm ready to go. Everything we love fades like the fleeting snow, But I won't dwell on that; And you already know That I'm a piece of shit, no need to say it again and again Like a record on repeat. "Long live the Alley Cats!" Scratch that, I meant to say: Long live the candle wax! By candlelight I write sonnets to feel alive, But I might try to expire if the moment's right. I'm such a motherfucking hypocrite. I'm a coward, ain't no way that I would end this shit. I've got that Burn Fetish/Melancholia - I might sound like Sadistik but I don't give a fuck. All my friends say "It's good, but it ain't real hip hop..." I don't do it for them, I do it for the art. I found the recipe to resurrect a reckoning: I'm going to write another record, then I'll rest in peace. "I let the light soak inside my skin, just so I can breathe again..." My shadow's got a hold on me and wants to see me bleed. I'm the rain, I'm the sun, I'm the moon, I'm the stars. Interstellar in my cellar where I'm safe from all these monsters. My Benzo-Angel, let me see your halo. I'll wear it for awhile, then I'll rip apart your wings, And I'll sing celestial lullabies, raining fire from the skies. I'll fashion a crown with all the dirt from where my lovers lie. My hands are bleeding from the callouses. I lay foundations for these palaces. I mix the mortar with blood, malice, and malice. I burrow further like I'm Alice. I'm fucked. This rabbit hole goes further than I'll ever know, But at the center lies the fears I've known for years, Tears I'll trade for spears. Mirrors - I disappear. While peers enjoy a beer, it's clear I'm fading here. Still I rock, captivating the spot, but when I stop No one knows if the should shrug or applaud. I know I'm not what you'd call an MC when he's hot. I take shots with each syllable -poetic- And it's my annihilation.

Writer’s block engages with a bite that breaks the spine The road to greener pastures is the hardest one to find Spent a portion of my life in dedication to the climb But I’m a lower-rung outcast who’s running out of time – Never mind I’ve tasted every drop of blood worth tasting and I’m still in search of something that can satiate my craving Or substantiate their claiming that we’re brothers formed from dust But I’m too H.P. in my Craft. The love is never worth the blood-lust I lay awake in wait that I’ll soon bloom, I often dream of gardens while I’m tending to my wounds The tide is coming in, I fear that I’ll be drowning soon I whisper promises and sonnets and my secrets to the moon – she calls A beacon only I can see; Eyes like the sea they seize me and I cease to be O’brother “Wait for me to bloom” – Ascension from the tension that I’ve carried since the womb (I’m gone) My little Jezebel, My darling heretic, I lay beneath thee on a bed made up of rotting flesh I’ll tear apart every piece until there’s nothing left, I’m just a hollow shell – come see my emptiness Swing low sweet chariot, low enough for me. The lowest of the low the dirt is wasted on my feet. And I’ll keep track of all the hours, and every piece of you devoured Until my soul is over-powered, and I’m left wilting like a worn out flower Wolf’s Bane on my tongue, Wolf’s Rain – chase the sun In chains – I’m the one who never ends what he’s begun I chase the pain like I’m in love with it – masochist Find another chaser for the medicine My demons tell me I’m healthy, they say I’m clean but I’m filthy They tell me everything lovely, in truth I’d rather they kill me, In truth I’d rather not know me I’d rather you didn’t too, I’d rather sleep ‘til I’m fifty, I’d rather pin this on you. And there’s no hope for all these passers-by, I say my cheap goodbyes and then I pass them by. I bleed beneath a sea of endlessness, where I confide in my departed friends, They tell me all the things I dearly miss, but inside I know I’m a piece of shit. I share my secrets in my shallowness But my heart’s still beating in my broken chest.

When I was younger I was full of fear and rage. Innocence had left me at an early age. When I was younger I was living hopelessly, Building walls to guard, so strong, but now I can't break free. You humiliated us, removed our lives from love. All this pain has made me stronger. You destroyed a part of me, but you could never make me weak. All this pain just makes me stronger. When I was younger you ruled us like a tyrant. Tip-toe past the mountain, careful not to wake the giant. In my room, I'd lock the door, and close my tiny little eyelids, But the nightmare was apparent, my fists too small to fight it. Through my slumber I could hear your voice like thunder And I'd wonder if my mother was in trouble when you stung her. Well, now I'm stronger, but I feel weak when I think of you. I hate it that I hate and that the hatred in me came from you. I'm still struggling to fix the cuts, I drink like it's a suture, then I mix it with some indica. I lend my scars to stars - something to cling to. Although, these fears, for years, have kept me reclusive. You, you're something lesser than a man, A creature undeserving of the land on which it stands. Knowing that you're out there with a daughter missing you at night Kills me in the way that it kills her. You took a life. You fucking monster.

We build monuments and monoliths and point’em toward the heavens No I don’t believe in Heaven, but I won’t deny its temptin’ In contempt, I mean contention, it’s a meaningful invention We build monuments and monoliths and point’em toward the sky. (In the eye of the storm) We were born in conjugation (Parasites or the thorns) In the garden we were born; and adorned By our vain and selfish attitudes, indifferent to each other Building egos equal magnitude to Monuments and monoliths and mountains Now I fear annihilation. No, we need annihilation. There I go again… Nihilism talking, I could use a good vacation from the devastation Fabrication, syndicated TV stations. Isolation fascination. There I, There I go again, talkin’ like a pessimist Standing on the precipice, sinking in the sediment In a world so fucking desolate, You gotta try to think there’s something more than this Keep walkin’, Keep k-keep walkin’. Everything I know is for show – Sleep talkin’ Can you keep me safe and relay what I’m lost in? Everybody stares at my soul when I walk in. Keep talkin’, Keep k-keep talkin’. I’m fading and time slows when I go sleep-walkin’. Can you find a place where we’re safe from the constant echoes on patrol? ‘Cause they know and they’re stalkin’. Image, like a visage, or a figure in the sand I must’ve missed it ‘cause my swiftness was reverted once again Caught up in the ever-growing static. Social media, like mania, like manic I’m a product of the knowledge bursting at the fingertips Of every man, woman, and child with no more need for voice or lips I got no need for voice or lips, all I got – my fingertips To write it down – make me feel like I’m a fucking optimist Keep walkin’, Keep k-keep walkin’. Everything I know is for show – Sleep talkin’ Can you keep me safe and relay what I’m lost in? Everybody stares at my soul when I walk in. I’m not in control, it’s uncomfortable. You already know, they’re untouchable. Must not sleep – Must warn others. It’s the mantra but the monster’s in my dreams and undercover. Keep talkin’, Keep k-keep talkin’. I’m fading and time slows when I go sleep-walkin’. Can you find a place where we’re safe from the constant echoes on patrol? ‘Cause they know and they’re stalkin’. In my dreams I’m king but out here its kill or be seen, and I see in between. I just want to sleep but I’m scared of letting go, where my thoughts are not my own and I feel like I’m not in control.

My allusions tend to leave’em with confusion So they draw they’re conclusions – common flaw – disillusion My delusions often leave me feelin’ somethin’ more than human My solution is seclusion – Ozymandias in ruins My style can be a bit too much to bear, I’d rip my skin right off the bone if you could see what’s hiding under there. I’mma I’mma tryna plead time and time again For abso absolution, bleed, wash away my sins. Loosen the noose and offer simple solutions, the music gives the illusion That I’m an over-wrought soul, over-worked and over-ridden And my lonely heart folds when the pressures over-driven So I made it my mission to play with words in contrition I offer no chance of hope in somber chorus lines written But sometimes work them in hidden – Here comes the rain Everybody’s tryna get out of the rain – it’s where I stay Comin’ and goin’ they tryin’ to get out of the rain But I’m a half-glass-full kinda guy, unless it’s last call Then I need another drink before I think it’s safe to speak my mind Everybody’s tryna tryna get out of the rain, But all I wanna do is find a place for me to reign For me to reign, shame – fame won’t come my way Maybe some posthumous plays on some empty web space While my body decays in some empty lot grave From the dirt we all came and it’s there we remain but our ideas stay They’re left on pages that we wrote when we were up all night drinkin’ Or lost in deeper form thinkin’ It’s the Philosophy of Mediocre Minds And mine’s alive, I try to bide my time. Divide, subtract, then multiply; we’re running out of time. There’s something inside you.

Today I saw the devil. He was dancing under your eyelids and telling you something special. He was telling you that you are the only one he was meant for, And the only way you're able to make it is 'cause he let's you. You need to let go To let your wings grow, 'Cause you're the angel that's dancing under my eyelids. When I stare into the stars, I imagine That you're beside it. You're heavenly. Today I saw the devil. He was staring at me, Whispering secrets to passing strangers. Then, he sang a song so violent we all sang along with him. Now the beauty we once loved is resting softly with the victims. You need to let go To let your wings grow, 'Cause you're the angel that's dancing under my eyelids. When I stare into the stars, I imagine That you're beside it. You're heavenly. So come and dance with me, my darling. A bitter tango under moonlight. Tear my flesh right off the bone and circle around me Like the wolves might. Rip a hole inside my heart and climb inside - I'll keep you safe. I can't imagine what it feels like, but I know that it's okay. Because lately I've been making deals with devils and their partners, They've been telling me to offer up my soul and it's a bargain. I ain't never seen my soul, I'm sure it's ugly and decrepit. If it keeps you from the shadows then I'm gad I never kept it. You need to let go To let your wings grow, 'Cause you're the angel that's dancing under my eyelids. When I stare into the stars, I imagine That you're beside it. You're heavenly.

I live within a world of words – poetry is beauty to me Come and dance your twisted poetry and breathe anew into me Liberate my soul from this wretched warring flesh So we can cure the common cancer spewing out between our lips I need something more than this broken frame of mind – the ocean is a freedom only lovers find So if I’m drifting in the ocean hopin’ I can stay afloat than you’re the waves that pulled me under And you’re filling up my lungs. You seemed so innocent, in a sense But I lost confidence when I sensed the tension in the messages you sent I’m a broken hopeless, mess, unfocused. Hopin’ he can hocus-pocus something spoken Clear the smoke that’s fogging up my mind – Let’s rewind She’s my nemesis, my damsel of distress. She asked me for my heart, I cut it out to acquiesce Then I laid it her feet so she could be for me the beat that sends my blood throughout my arteries Tangled up; so woe is me, or woe is she? I know the code, she holds the key Tangled up in chains – it’s the beauty of our poetry My world of words is crashing down around me. All the stars are falling from the sky Now it’s just you and I Yeah, you’re a star in your own right, speaking in tongues beneath the moonlight Chemistry and science in our palms like alchemy – drink the poison slowly, baby Thou art gold. Winter’s snow brought a cold that we’d never known – but lit a fire in our bones Now we’re both reduced to ashes. It’s amazing how time passes when we’re living it alone. That’s why I’d rather stay at home, so when my shit starts ringing I just stare into my phone No, I don’t want to play a show – I wanna, I wanna hide the day away ‘cause I’m afraid of what I’d say It’s like my mind is not my own, or like I’m losing all control. Low-er than I ever felt before Paranoia Agent – who’s that knocking on my door? I fight agoraphobic tendencies That’s why I never fail to mention these, to mention thee, these wretched things. Now it’s just you and I I opened up my heart and let in every single inch of you, But over time it broke apart because a heart can never beat for two.

I sit alone within a room full of my closest friends Betray Is a Symptom, I feel nothing for them I got that: Gimme what I want, I want it good, I want it now King Midas with the touch, but heavy lies the crown I watch the moon every dawn as she gives birth to the sun Then she swallows him up before the day is done So I hide beneath a blanket made of dirt and shattered bone ‘Cause if I’m careful I can burrow my way back to the thrown I keep it guarded – try to hide it in the shadows – Kill The King Michael taught me Even Shadows Have Shadows So if you’re gonna try to stab me please just do it in the front I can’t remember it exactly but I heard that’s what a true friend does (And I don’t believe in saviors, so I’m peeling back the layers At my best I’m just a sailor who can’t navigate his failures) Watch me cut my heart out and pair it with a Queen of Diamonds God, my timing’s getting worse. I better fold before the flop if not I’m lost in the river or I’m lost inside and I’m drowning in the current of the rising tide I go blind, indecision’s always cutting me thin. Do I stand on the surface, do I dive right in? Living isn’t living if you’re living alone; a dog still begs if you give him a bone I’m still awake after bottles of gin, and I can’t wash the smell of disgrace off my goddamn skin And there’s nothing to see. Everything is beauty but there’s nothing for me. I am just a product, evolution gone wrong. And these nights just remind that the day is long I fall and slip between the cracks – paper thin – I’m akin to statues that are made of wax Like my wings – I’m always fucking flying toward the sun I’m someone’s son but that one summer sung a song that murdered everyone. (I’m done) Johnny Truant – I can feel it coming for me I’m in Whalestoe writing messages in code (please don’t come for me) I’m alive and split between a blessing and a curse, I fear the worst So unprepared it’s like I’m living in reverse My sanity is cracking at the seams or so it seems, The seams are cracking and my sanity is suffering fever dreams My demons say that I’m alone and forced to live inside this hell It’s true I’m lonely and afraid but so is everybody else So take my hand, and together we’ll write sonnets to the stars And remember, “Every scar is a bridge to someone’s broken heart.”

Cockpit to the cabin: Hold on tight, we're going down. The stewardess succumbs to panic, captain's no where to be found. Cabin to the cockpit: We trusted you with our lives! Cockpit back to cabin: Are you really that surprised? Disconnected. Yeah, I'm feeling disconnected. Existential crisis is an art that I've perfected. I can't help but think about it, feeding the obsession. I'm Descartes with a lonely heart who never learns his lesson. Romanticism prison. Inner schism. Pseudonym- Given - I, The Conflict, more like I, The Bordering on Nihilism. Psycho-social patterns: Psychotropics on the rise. Everyone's a zombie eating SSRIs. Listen close because my voice is but a whisper. All the noise that plagues the city burns my ears until they blister. I can hear it call my name, but all I want is peace and rest. To rest in peace, it haunts my dreams, now I find no peace in rest. I'm disconnected. The growing disconnect. I feel hesitant In this endless sea of frustration. I'd die tonight if I could see the sunrise burning in your eyes. I'm alive and I'm a smile away from writing my goodbyes. My Fondest Friends, I fear I've made a grave mistake. The man you knew today was nothing more than just a fake. I lie straight through my teeth, and I have never said a thing. I'm sorry for the pain I caused, I'll see you all again some day..... Some try to pray away the shame they feel, While others, they try to buy the mind into submission. I walk a tightrope with both my eyes closed. Carnival sideshow like some kind of bad joke. I am the bastard, the coward, The poor man who begs and the dick that walks by him, The broken, the lonely, the ever-the-doubter, The wounded, the hopeless, the sick, and the tired. They say give me your tired, Oh, you huddled masses, They say give me your poor, But they sealed the Golden Door. We walk a long road, waiting for the finish, But the prize is just a lie, you could say that I'm a cynic. I live inside a House of Leaves, counting down the minutes, My anxiety feeds and I'm left feeling weak and disconnected.

My tired body, a broken design. A latent desire, no need for mine. I breathe/sleep benign. I'm knee-deep in line, I reach reach for higher and higher to climb Falling down seems lighter and lighter each time All I need is to fight it but I'm So broke. So mediocre. Poised to choke. Sure, I'm no closer. But I'm a halfway decent old punching bag. Philosophy with a thesis only told in halves. An abrasive theologist who points and laughs But when his god strikes he's the only one who feels the wrath The last laugh in the aftermath of dog-eat-dog The weak survive hanging with all the other cats. So which way will the lots be cast? Am I destined to travel such a narrow path? Have I branched out? Can I branch out? Should I branch out? Quantum Theory only works in labs. I feel it, it's coming to an end. The end, I killed it. No bullet, just a pen. A pen, I need it. The means to reach an end. The end, I feel it. Singularity instead. Perfect, beautiful, annihilation. I'm feeling crushed by the weight of the water I'm underneath. Growing tired of the fakers that lie to me through their teeth, With their shit-eating grins and their high-held chins And their cheap wolf-skin. I just want to be free. I let the stars be my guide (Be still, my beating heart.) I got the noose tied tight, and I'm falling apart. I let the light soak in, try to hold back my dark, But the medicine is failing. I was doomed from the start. So down I go, the rabbit hole is leading me to safety But the peace I know is horrible - my mind is always racing - Like my mind, I hide behind my walls I build them up to watch them fall. I never felt so awful, like it's my annihilation. Now I'm letting go of all the bullshit I keep in tow. I'm stepping into The Great Unknown It feels so perfect and beautiful. Every song I write is a reflection of the pain that I feel each night And in the morning light I see my face for what it truly is. I'm a coward only hiding where the beauty lives. An outsider standing on the edge of certainty, Should I take one more step? Certainly. I always feel like I'm cheating death, Or treading water. So I hold my breath. I can't sleep at night, trying to brave these city lights. They shine like galaxies.. Infinite.. Woe is me. I start to convalesce and slip into the nothingness. Now consciousness is just another name for emptiness.

Head full of poems. Heart made of stone. Lost in the shadows, I travel alone. Hanged at the gallows, No search for a home. I feel more alive When I'm breaking my bones. Prone to thinking there's no room to grow. I grow entangled with seeds that I've sewn. So, I swallow all my pride and wallow In the misery; free, then denial follows. I'm alive but I really don't know what that means. I'm a prisoner to every thought my conscience screams. I'd break the chains if they didn't feel so comforting. I'd die today if I wasn't such a coward. See Me floating away into space. Flee I'm running away in disgrace. Plea Unworthy, I cover my face. Free The memory, suffer the chase. Wait. I'm a picture of a life in denial. I try to justify my actions as a means of survival, But if I'm being honest I am just an empty arrival, So my elegy reads: He did nothing worth while. Smile. It's a lie like a line from the bible. I try to fall in line. Fine. But I'm caught in spiral, spiral. A lost cause, every once in a while, while. Failure is an option if you're floating in the wind. Breathe out. The indica leaf leaves no trace of doubt. So I follow all my dreams to the ground. I'm feeling hollow in this miserable town. I'm Brando in Apocalypse Now. A heart that's full of darkness and it wants to get out. I made this bed, and it's time to lay down. I fell in love with the silence, but I get lost in the sound. I'm confident my common sense contradicts and conflicts with my competence. The consequences for the condescension are a constant; I've been in a coma since. Accommodating but it isn't worth the effort, When my broke adolescence is the essence of my failures. So I stare into the galaxy and ponder what I'm made of. My conclusion is I'm nothing; insignificant mechanics. Be still, My heart, Everything we love will come back some day. Please, be still, My heart, And accept these lies as we fade away. Let us fall asleep and dream, safe and sound, With our memories free and our thoughts profound. Please, Be still, My heart, And let us drown.