It's been a long time coming Now the stage is set I breathe frost in accost to the icy air I've been down, down-trodden, and rebuked. Unfair. Feeling low, and behold revolutions here! So I hold fast and pray for redemption and I won't ask for an explanation because I know it won't mean a thing. I ain't a man of the past, but a man on a path and I'm on my last leg, too prideful to beg, too tired to leave and too frightened to stay too lazy to try and too focused to stray and I know that the ending ain't worth all the pain. I can feel the anger swelling underneath my skin it's poison courses through my veins, unwelcome enemy within. My fingers tremble at the thought that I'm not longer in control, as if some unknown entity is driving me, me some unnamed ghost. So I'm walking in the shadow of death We shake hands like we're old friends but I keep him on the outs too afraid to let him in because i know the other side would gladly accept as kin freeing body from mind, a prisoner in my own skin it takes a great debate, sometimes less if you fake your name but it's best to let your tastes relate So I tell myself it's better to follow it to the letter but the template for redemption is a .PDF (for failure) That's why I tell myself I'll never be enough Why I'm constantly searching for some answers from above It's how I know that I'm a monster too I know it's why I sleep alone and how I know that I will never find love.

(Can we sing of hope?) So I used to know this couple You know the type with constant fights you just knew they were trouble Screaming all night but kept it tight-lipped when they out in public She keeps her head down Hand sewn to his pocket like a dog on a leash He gnashes teeth with an espionage grin buys his lady the nicest turtle-necks to cover up her skin I mean to cover up his sin He been drinking all night Throwing singles down, trying to curb his ferocious appetite He waits til the moment is right then stumbles up the stairs there's not a doubt in his mind that his girl might now be there You see, he's keeping her scared A prisoner to the thought that he might one day care that he can be repaired, or worse. She's too afraid to think it He's breathing down her neck She's sleeping fully clothed these days but it's just a detour at best He's grabbing at her chest. Hands that used to love and caress, now only cause her stress when all she wants is rest She closes her eyes, retreats into her mind (the first time) she slips away to better days before she became a bride when she used to sit outside watching the sunrise when she used to have ambition before her father died before she met this guy and everything became gray. Before she ever had to worry about what not to say Before she ever longed for the touch of a razor-blade when she used to cherish love and not just give it away She cringes at the taste, and let's out a scoff So he hits her and acquits her but it's turning him off So he hits her again and this time he doesn't stop She's screaming so loud that someone might call the cops He puts her head under the pillow to drown out the noise Thinking about all of the times he got beat up as a boy How he watched this same thing happen to him mom and how she used to beat him too when his father was done How this girl never lets him do a thing that he wants and how just the other day he went and got himself a gun How he always knew that it would come down to this He went too far and now he's thinking her life or his So he slows down his fists, (she must be unconscious) He listens for her breathing then he heads toward the closet. When he leaves the room she drags herself across the floor crawls into the bathroom and makes sure to lock the door She lays down on the tile, she just wants this to end Swearing in the morning that she'll finally leave him That's when the pounding begins, door starts to crack at the hinge and bursting through the frame like a demon within She sees the gun at his side starts to beg for her life She ain't never seen such a look in a man's eyes He puts the gun to her head Her minds somewhere else completely (for the last time) His finger pulls the trigger like it's easy Rest in peace, freely.

(Sikes) Been climbing up these steps and their getting so steep But Ain't no way I'm backing down because that bottoms to deep No doubt that it's a struggle. My legs are getting weak But still I stand tall. Ain't gunna get down on my knees Giving up on a dream thats so far in the distance No I keep on pushing forward cuz these bones have persistence. I'll never make it to the top but at least I'm not alone And I don't hold a grudge Just a microphone Fuck metal fuck rock fuck hip hop i don't what I am but I can tell you what I am not. I'm not fake. Sometimes I keep it too real. So real that I know I never sign a record deal. Too old. Too fat. Plus you shouldn't scream and rap unless you wanna be called out some fred durst throwback shit Uncultured motherfuckers everywhere man good lawd And for the record I still fuck with some three dollar bill yall (I, The Conflict) Creep to the door, Watchmen, timeless Jitter-jaw, wide-eyed, locked in, mindless Face in the mirror scoping new, unrecognized Devil-horned smile and forked-tongue specialized Slither on up to the ear speak in whisper The waiting game's on, watch it boil and fester "Take this as an offering of peace and harmony: I'll give you the padlock, if you give me the key." Now I'm back like a full moon renegade, howling at the sun, a broken, lonely, awkward serenade. It harkens back to when my father was defeated He got a brand new smile, but his soul depleted Down, low and behold, like a pot full of gold I got the Midas Touch but the bodies are all cold. I've always been my own worst enemy but this time it seems I've taken it quite literally The venom's rising up and coursing through my veins Now the left side of my brain is looking right, so he invades. Now the only left to defend is words But my right ain't right, so he spoils and scourges Now the only thing left of myself to trust is the unnatural swirl that swells in my guts Fear, beautiful, I'm in love I ran up on the scene, it felt more like a dream it's hard to describe all things that I seen. There was a tatted up rat snorting coke like a fiend and a blanket draped babe screaming out for a feed A broken box man watching white noise tv and cradle robbed bitch moving sex, drugs, and greed All these marble carved faces dug in deep with their fix and all their jitter jaw eyes scoped the vein for a fit When every last bit of the venom was spent they laid down and counted sheep on the cold, hard cement So I waited til they woke to hear the words if they spoke but these here folk could only cough and choke See, they'd been trying to float like they chasing a ghost but they never got close when it mattered the most All their running and gunning, and one-ing and done-ing, while slumming and strumming was really uncunning

(Beneath the crashing waves, what is lost can not be saved) She carries with her a weight all wrapped up in dying She wears a blanket made from yarn all of the stories she'd been lying She wakes up early every morning takes a walk along the beach There's something powerful she'd say out there waiting in the deep. She falls asleep every night clutching a family photograph "They'd all been taken by the sea" She tells me tales of loved ones past She's haunted by the thought that it might one day take her too She stares blankly at the wall and prays she's safe there in her room. She tells me sometimes she can hear the ocean beckon from afar it takes the voice of her father and asks to fall into it's arms It says "Oh my precious daughter, Oh my long lost love Your baby brother longs to see you, your mother misses you so much So won't you please come and join us, give yourself over to the flood I swear the water's truly painless, and it's pleasing to the touch." She puts her hand over her ears and tries to sing the voice away A haunting melody "what is lost can not be saved" She says She knows that it's a trick designed to take her from her home So she resolves to stay inside forever, abandoned and alone I tried to tell her it's absurd to think the waves can speak and sin but she refused my suggestions and that was the last time she ever spoke again. (Beneath the crashing waves, what is lost can not be saved.)

Another year older still I keep moving in reverse My odyssey's progress, Iliad honest Making my bed to lay down in the dirt removing the flowers that bloom to make room for the skeletons pulled from my closet, deception's irrelevant Nothing stays buried for long I follow my gut but my instincts are wrong Burning my lungs and wanting to say something back Instead I'm just holding my tongue I've always been a liar, but this time I promise I won't The wind she carries with her a cold front to cover up all her disease, but still she blankets the town in a sickness That brings everyone to their knees And I call out "Is there a cure that brings this feverish nightmare to end?" The wind returns inaudible whispers, and tears at my flesh once again You see everything's changing and everyone's leaving and I'm left singing the same old song The chorus is fleeting, lyrics misleading and it just seems to go on and on and on and on Marooned by my own indifference to change, feeling ashamed I cover my face in it's presence, afraid I'll forever remain My one last hope for some normality, expecting to walk alone so I can safely say there's no fucking reason to ever leave my home again. Abandon all hope, ye who enter alone My mind is a prison I fashioned from stone I made you a throne from discarded pieces of anguish and bone I've lost a lot of friends from substances never quite pure Every day keeps getting longer, every night I'm still unsure If time is worth the work, familiarize the hurt with all the prying eyes that in the darkness lurk and come alive or worse and then the dream returns You realize the prize is in the failure first That's why I never show up early to a race That's why I'll never be able to look upon another face again. I've lost it all and I'm left picking through the wreckage everyday just keeps repeating like the needle on a broken record Where do I go? What do I do when it all crashes down? Fall to my knees like I'm on holy ground? All of this chaos consumed in a sound Broken I stand on the edge of eternity searching the stars for a sign some constellation to let me know that everything will be alright But it's never alright All the signs in the world can never make up for the doubt But sometimes, though not often, there's a ray of light that suffs the darkness out. (I can't recall my name, keeping my sickness strong. So I put all my pain right back where it belongs. I never wanted this, and I never asked for love.) "Is there a cure that brings this feverish nightmare to end?" The wind returns inaudible whispers, and tears at my flesh once again You see everything's changing and everyone's leaving and I'm left singing the same old song The chorus is fleeting, lyrics misleading and it just seems to go on and on and on and on Marooned by my own indifference to change, feeling ashamed I cover my face in it's presence, afraid I'll forever remain My one last hope for some normality, expecting to walk alone so I can safely say there's no fucking reason to ever leave my home again.

I can't control my ghost, I've waited far too long I've tried it on my own but it just turns out wrong (I don't know why, but I need it.) So where's that ray of hope? They promised it would come But all I got are ghosts, they keep the panic strong (I don't know why, but I need it) Mortality stay stressing me presently it's breaking free Who's on watch? Time to leave Forget the lock, I lost the key Overrun it bursts the seams It's rioting and murdering what's left of me, it's plain to see it'll always be the enemy. It stabs my brother in the back for just a little taste of the love he got Then it throws it all away in the same day just because a taste is all it wants. I'm fighting for control, but I'm losing all hope it's easier to let go and give in to my ghost but still I stay strong, won't abandon my home because the walls stay strong as the family grows. (Family) - Definition: Not just blood but water too The adage needs an update, equal measures through and through If we could weigh our failures on the same scale as our father's Could we also live as equals with the saints and all the monsters? Reality lives in the way the eye perceives Sometimes I lose touch with my perception walking backwards, stepping reckless not to mention all the tension caused by selfish reinvention Self-entitled, sit with Idle hands The Devil's lowly rival I feel like breaking down now I've got to slow it down now Now it's me against a whole world of hurt six feet under made a home in the dirt Re-animated, awake, new moon It's been a long day from the womb to the tomb. I can't control my ghost, I've waited far too long I've tried it on my own but it just turns out wrong (I don't know why, but I need it.) So where's that ray of hope? They promised it would come But all I got are ghosts, they keep the panic strong (I don't know why, but I need it) (Nightmares are nothing) It's getting hard to wake up from my false sense of what is real it's blurring the lines of what is not With everyone around me content to live indifferent the ghosts that walk these halls are the only ones I trust. I'm starting to slip back into my self-destructive ways again it's like I'm lost in my own skin and the thing you see ain't the man I am I'd like to be more, want to be stronger, want to be sure All these stories told are just a way to keep the fire burning (So keep the fire burning) I took a stroll down the sidewalk in my mind everyone I came across was either deaf, mute, or blind The trash cluttering my path put a limp in my step all the thrown away dreams and deep seeded regret I'm sick and tired of all these tired-eyed faces I bite my tongue amongst the living, meek feeding on phrases I got an undead alibi in the midst of a frigid winter walking circles just to catch the scent of a rigid dinner. I'll kill a style, true lyrical, you know it's me feeling like Bjork the way I spit this pagan poetry Reciting rhymes like spells and casting shadows on your imagery it's witchcraft on the mic, informal seance for the ghost in me. There I go contradicting myself again The problem ain't how I was raised, but the enemy within The enemy that lives inside each and every mind that tells us lies and keeps us angry, reflected inside these lines.